I hereby decree

by David LeMieux

 

It is I who will liberate you from the Milky Ways.

For years our office has purchased large wholesale bags of M&M/Mars assorted fun-sized candy bars and in the same time we have continued to treat ourselves to the M&M's, Snickers, Three Musketeers, 100 Grand Bars, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and York Peppermint Patties. I have watched as year after year we have carefully navigated the swelling sea of unwanted Milky Way bars as it flowed and flowed and never ebbed.

No more.

I will throw myself on the grenade. I will remove or consume the Milky Ways until they no longer plague our candy bowls. Please, do not throw yourselves upon me. I know that you will regard me evermore as your redeemer but it is what any good office citizen would do. I cannot stand to see you suffer any longer.

 

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